Illegal to squeeze cheeks?

In Dallas, TX Monday evening, a uniformed female sargeant was out buying gifts when the black version of Quagmeier (Family Guy), came outta nowhere and grabbed a handful of her "Christmas cakes!" The officer asked the man why he would think that was okay, and after a few seconds of the dumbface, she slapped a shiny new set of cuffs on him and took him to the concrete hotel. The squeezer was not intoxicated, however after his arrest he stated he had never seen a backside so.....endowed. Wow! Talk about a handful!

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